After the end comes a new beginning
by Authorwithoutaquill
Summary: Rose and the Doctor go back to Earth to visit Jackie, but they find everything gone. The whole city, the buildings, the trees, the people - everything destroyed. The fires are still burning. Rose lost everything and even though the Doctor has been through the experience already, he cannot comfort her. Will it be enough - the Doctor keeping her company for all eternity?
**Author's Note:** _Written for the prompt: nine/rose and "you're all I have left" with the idea that one day they stumble across earth again but Jackie and Micky and everyone is dead. For once, I managed to stick comparatively well to the original prompt. :D As always, reviews, follows and favs make my day and keep me writing, so please leave one if you like the story. Thank you!_

"You're all I have left…"

The words sounded broken, dejected, uttered with so much pain the Doctor staggered back. Rose wasn't looking at him. She was looking at the ground, at the black, bleeding earth that gave them no answer about what happened to her home.

"You're all I have left…" the words were quieter this time, more desperate, her eyes welling up, her body shaking from head to foot. She stumbled across what was once a playground and clutched at the blackened railings, breaths coming out in sharp gasps.

"You're all I have left!" she was screaming now and the Doctor ran to her, even though he knew there was no comfort he could give her this time.

"Shhh… Hush now. We'll figure somethin' out." He ran his hands up and down her back, not being able to do anything else for her yet. She was holding herself so rigidly he was afraid her bones would snap. Her face was like a stone mask, impenetrable, chipping at the corners, enduring whatever Time brought her with a proud timidity. Her eyes were wide open, her teeth bared, her jaw locked, her hair flying wild in the sudden wind and he was almost afraid to reach out. She looked like a wolf, like a goddess, like Time itself, incarnated into a tiny human form. And he was afraid. While his hearts were breaking for her, he was also terribly, terribly afraid.

For the first time since the end of the Time War, the Doctor was gripped with terror so powerful he didn't know if he could bear it. He wasn't afraid of Rose, oh no. He knew she'd never hurt him knowingly, and there was no one else - nothing else - around to hurt. But unknowingly, she could destroy his whole world, break his hearts, shatter his soul, and send him back onto his knees where she helped him stand up from in the first place.

He waited with baited breath for her next words. They did not come. He waited for exactly eleven minutes and thirty-two seconds, but they did not come.

Raising his hands and putting them on her shoulders gently he whispered, "I know it's not what you wanted, Rose. Daft old me to keep you company for all eternity. I know I can never be enough." He paused, hearts clenching painfully in his chest, hoping to all the deities he knew that she'd disagree. "I know it's not much. But I am here. And you do have me - hearts, soul and spirit - if you want."

Her shoulders drooped at his last words and all the fight seemed to leave her. _So it would not be enough after all_. He tried to hide his tears as he felt the cracks on his soul widen once again. His hands dropped to his sides and he took a step back. It turned out to be a wise decision when Rose turned a split second later and slapped him with such force he stumbled backwards and fell awkwardly into what was once a sandpit. His ears rang and he stared back at her dumbfounded, too shocked to be afraid of what was coming next.

"You lied to me!" her voice was trembling. Her whole body was shaking, her eyes shining dangerously, her hands clenched into fists, and she looked like she was about to hit him in earnest. The rage radiated off of her in waves and stole his breath away. Tears were burning his eyes too, but he didn't let them fall, knew it was Rose's time to let loose, and all he could do was bear it in silence and humility. He did lie to her. Many times. Because he was arrogant. And a fool. And trying to be impressive when really all Rose deserved was someone who could be honest with her. He realized that fairly soon and tried his best, but it was not enough. There were some things he couldn't talk about, not without her asking him specifically to tell her. He would have told her if she asked. But she didn't know what she'd have to ask. It was a never-ending cycle of what ifs and the Doctor knew he played too long.

"I did."

His voice came out stronger than he imagined it would and he even managed to hold Rose's gaze as she trembled and took gasping breaths, looking like she was about to crumble at any moment. The air turned freezing cold suddenly as the last fires extinguished behind them, the whole city nothing but ashes now, and he shivered. From Rose's gaze or the first drops of rain that touched his skin, he didn't know.

Her eyes turned desperate, holding onto his, as she sank down onto her knees and started sobbing. He remained stock-still, sitting in the sand-pit a few feet away from her and had no idea what to do. He stood up on unsteady legs, realizing it was him shaking from head to foot now and walked very slowly over to Rose.

He reached out his hand four times before he could go all the way and touch her shoulders. She spun around and gripped his wrist so tight it hurt.

"Don't you dare touch me…" she growled and the accusation in her eyes killed him a little more with each second that passed between them. The silence fell heavy when she let go of his hand and went back to crying. He was slowly unravelling, soul cracking, hearts pumping painfully in his chest, his respiratory bypass kicking in, the Doctor barely even noticing over the weight that settled on him suddenly.

 _You broke one of them again, Doctor. Good job. Fantastic! And how exactly are you going to fix it this time?_

He walked over to the slide and climbed up to the top, sitting with his back to Rose, burying his face in his hands. The tears came suddenly, but he wept without a sound. It was Rose's time to cry. It shouldn't be him who broke in two. Not this time. He'd done this before. Lost everything. Saw his home burn. Made it happen.

With a loud gasp, he got up, clutching at the wooden steps on the back of the slide, so dizzy he could barely tell where he was. He closed his eyes once more and let the dizziness wash over him. When he opened them a few minutes later, he found himself staring into Rose's golden-brown eyes, tears still trickling down on her cheeks.

She kissed him then - without hunger or desperation, without confessing anything, without any of the burning desire the Doctor imagined their first kiss would hold. She simply came closer and pressed her lips to his, letting her tongue dart out to taste his, her hands hanging at her sides, infinite cold space between her body and his.

He understood. Or he tried to. He couldn't help the tears that fell from his eyes and glided down on her cheeks.

"You're all I've got left…" she whispered, and this time, there was a question, a promise, a slight plea in the words.

He smiled, his soul broken, his hope crushed, but his hearts still beating. Now or never.

"Yes." He kissed her forehead, gentle, as he did so many times before, as he'd do so many times again.

"I cannot be anyone I'm not Rose. But if it helps any, you were always all I had left. All I had left to live, I found in your eyes when I first met you. All I hoped to be able to give, you brought out in me. All that was ever good in me, you remind me daily to never forget about it."

He cupped her face in his right hand and thought how ill-fitting his large, calloused hands were on her small, soft face. She really deserved better. But he couldn't let her go. Not anymore. Not unless she killed him first.

"You changed me. Made me better. Made me remember. And made me forget. Even if you hadn't, I'd still do anything for you. But now that you did… How can I tell you, Rose Tyler, what you mean to me?"

She shook her head and her tears changed - they became clearer, less heavy, gentle and slow instead of rapid and born out of agony. They weren't tears that tore her soul apart anymore and the Doctor grinned his manic grin at her, tainted with sadness this time.

She sniffled and let out a shaky laugh, then buried her face in the crook of his neck.

They stood together in the rain until her sobs died down and the smell of burning fires were finally washed away, the first flower peeking its head out from beneath the ashes near their feet.

"I'm never going to see them again, am I?" she asked, finally lifting her head and squinting towards the blackened city.

"You never know that, Rose. You never know," he replied quietly.

Taking each other's hand, they walked towards the TARDIS parked at the end of the street that used to lead to her flat. It was Rose who reached for the keys in his left pocket and it was her who opened the blue doors finally.

"Home," she said as they entered.

And something deep inside the Doctor started healing again at her words. They could do this. Together, they could do anything. All they had left was each other. But it could be enough. It had always been enough. It just took the end of the world to make them realize it.


End file.
